To be fair, it's this motherfucking Need For Speed MW disc, which has a gigantic fat-bird-sized CRACK in it, but I never returned, cos the GameGirl was markedly fuckin hawt and I didn't want to be That Guy, cos I thought I might one day ask her out (luckily I didn't cos she had a boyfriend, who was almost certainly a heratbreakingly beautiful boy, and they probably played Gears of War together while 69ing).

So I've just started playing NFSMW (or NFSU3 if you prefer, except it's above ground, so it should be called Need for Speed Underground Surface 3 or something, but the point is the races happen during the DAY, which I know, is like "oh my fucking Jesus, during the day?") and I love it cos it's like NFSU2 only less fucking Mario fucking Kart all the time, physics-fingering you, rubber-banding your stupid whore face, and firing blue shells quicker than little Japanese fuckers blow their wads at a second-hand used little girls' underwear auction.

So yeah, NFSMW is way better cos it's easier, but not just 'easier', more because it's not a FUCKING BITCH all the FUCKING time. Like making you waste HOURS of your dwindling fucking life, modding your car until it's hotter than Sandra Bullock and Angelina Jolie breathlessly bashing each other's pasties in a bath of fucking Butterscotch Angel Delight, then you still can't win the race cos the actual driving part of the driving game is hideously, your-spirit-after-seeing-Matrix-sequels BROKEN, and MW doesn't do all that pathetic crap. It's less about sitting in the garage being a suspension-balance NERD and more about "hey you know you can like nail the fuck out of that roadblock right?"

And now it doesn't fucking work any more! What the fuck? It's like "hey I miss you, play me", and I can't! I've got a sweet silver-white Mitsu Eclipse and a fucking insane Wacky Races style Toyota Supra that goes faster than YOUR SHIT after you ate that 4 stone of curry that one time. It's so fast, Stephen Hawking now has to rewrite "Brief History of the Universe" because this fucking Supra changes the nature of the whole fucking cosmos and I can't play it cos the disc is more fucked than that fat bitch was when you realised you had whisky paralysis and could literally plough away at her couch-like arse for days without plastering up her plumbing. Like fucking a padded telephone box, but it keeps ringing and you can't reach the receiver, but it doesn't matter because that is just your soul calling to tell you it has killed itself out of shame. And then you blast too soon anyway cos it's the quickest way to get to the cuddling (read: inescapable cocoon webbing) stage which in itself is the quickest way to get to the "I have to go I have a meeting" stage which itself is by far the best way to get to the "I will never ever call you again you hideous beast" stage.

Man I wish I could play Most Wanted again.

You need to review more.

Thanks man, I appreciate the feedback.

Thinking of my next review, probably on either Red Dead Redemption or Army of 2: the 40th Day

I love reviews like this.

I'm sprised you didn't touch upon the ridiculousness of the presentation and story though. It's so hilariously self-assured you can't help but love the game.

"FIVE GRAND. FIVE. GRAND."

I am the king when it comes to this game. Just ask Max, I played this game for at least 2 years. This is the best need for speed game to date! It even had a kick ass sound track.

Judging by this here review, Mr. Harken has been playing it for several years as well.

I have indeed been playing it for years

I had NFSU on the original Xbox -- got myself a Mazda MX-5 quite early on, which turned out to be a massive "I WIN" button for the game. The second half was a joke. I loved that MX-5. It was white, with flame vinyls in red, orange, and yellow.

Then I got my hands in NFSU2 for the Xbox (and the GameCube) which I thought was amazing. I used to love keeping that silly cow's BMW for as long as possible (well, until she told all her friends to ban you from races anyway). On my first play, I had hot hatches until the Audi TT / Toyota Supra stage. On my second play I got myself a 240SX (which had rubbish stats but turned out to be perfect for my driving style (aggressive, lots of power and drift, late braking)).

I visited family recently, and started a new game, and I wish I hadn't. It seems when I was younger, I was infinitely more forgiving. NFSU2 can be such a massive bitch. I still live playing it (most of the time) but every so often it'll just cheap shot you out of an awesome 1st place, by spawning traffic on blind corners, or simply rubber banding you to paste, (rubber banding is one of my least favourite video game failings).

Now, in all fairness, NFSMW is really 'NFS Lite', but it gets rid of so many of the failings, I can live with it. I mean in MW there's basically none of the tuning options (there are sliders in the start menu, but nothing like NFSU2's 'Garage'), but it's a small price to pay!

Oh I just LOVE how 'street' everyone is, in NFSU2.

"Yo balla. This aint no tractor race, hayseed. Getcho punk ayyas back to the fields, muhfugga. Ima ride all over you and take all yo bank, foo."

Everyone talks like that in NFSU2. Hilarious.

NFSU2 was my first NFS. It definitely wasn't a bad game, though it did try way too hard on the style.

I personally though NFSU2 was pretty easy though - while the rubber-banding is nowhere near as bad as NFSU, the tracks are also alot simpler. It lost the claustrophobic nature of NFSU's snaking underpasses and tight streets. I remember beating the last boss by nearly two minutes lolz

I recently started re-playing NFSU. It's definitely harder due to the cheap shots the developers made.