It is currently Thu Sep 19, 2019 7:08 pm

All times are UTC




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 7 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Self-Love With Dr. Terra (or How I Became Baller As Fuck)
PostPosted: Mon Nov 11, 2013 5:51 am 
Offline
Level: 52 Time Mage
HP: 1293 / 10781
1293 / 10781
MP: 5147 / 5147
5147 / 5147
EXP: 5280 / 5401
5280 / 5401
User avatar

Joined: Thu May 15, 2008 11:28 pm
Posts: 5280
Location: Mississippi, USA
PSN ID: Terrabro
Steam ID: The Voice of Justice
Nintendo ID: Terradude
Aight so here's the deal, this is probably gonna be pretty long. I feel like I have a lot to say on the subject.
I will also be typing as though everything I'm saying is fact cause I just ain't got the TIME to preface every sentence with "in my experience, I feel as if." Do not assume that I'm objectively correct. I'm just some kid who's been going through some self-discovery lately. I am not a doctor.

Also, this is probably gonna seem pretty familiar to Joey if he's managed to keep his attention span on track long enough to get this far, I talked to him about this the other day when we were havin' some Brotherly Realtalk.

Right, so anyway, back on topic. From what others have told me, from what I've discovered, and from how I feel personally, if someone delves into their own mind enough, goes through enough self-exploration, matures enough, or even just grows up in the right environment, sooner or later, they'll realize that they are the most important person in their own life. This is something I was told a LOT while I was depressed.
"Take care of yourself first."
"Make sure your safety and well-being is your top priority."
"You matter most, make sure you're doing great before you worry about ANYONE else!"


I couldn't do that at the time. I felt it too selfish. I had to be perfect, had to be as selfless as possible, as humble as I could manage, and that meant ignoring my own needs, I thought. I didn't put it like that when thinking about it or talking to others about it, of course, I never said "That's too selfish, I can't treat myself well," even though that's effectively what I believed. Maybe deep down I knew how ridiculous it was and so I never put it in terms like that. But through some recent events, mainly the ending of a pretty lengthy relationship, I've realized that taking care of myself--making my own well-being priority #1--is not only not selfish, I'd go as far as to call it selfless.

I'm gonna talk about my relationship here for a sec, because I feel like this needs a bit of context. It was my first real relationship, if you consider LDRs to be "real." Plenty of mutual attractions that never went anywhere, but this was the first that seemed solid enough to make me go "y'know, even with the distance, I want to try to make this work." I can honestly say that, at first, when I was with her, it was the first time since I was 11 or 12 that I felt like enough. I didn't have to be more. She didn't need me to comfort her over problems that were way over my head. I didn't need to be smarter, fitter, more witty or clever or kind. Unfortunately, this lead to me seeking solace in her. She was my Happy Place, my Safe Zone. True, I didn't feel like I had to be better than I was, but I still had a lot of emotional problems. I was still sad a lot. And because she made me feel so special, she was who I went to every time I needed help. This is fine when it's mutual, or in moderation, but it quickly became a dependency.

This is the problem with people who hate themselves. No matter how much they punish themselves or abuse themselves they still want to feel good and be treated well. If they can't get that from themselves, they'll seek it from other people. And when they aren't even in control of their emotions enough to take care of themselves, there's no way they can take care of another person. It becomes dependency. It becomes a one-sided relationship. It becomes incredibly unhealthy and stressful. This is why people say "You have to love yourself before you can love others." They don't mean you're literally incapable of it. I loved her. Hell, I'll go as far as to say I was in love with her. But I wasn't able to return what she was giving me. I wasn't healthy enough for it. I couldn't love me, and so I couldn't keep up my "side" of the relationship, if that makes sense. I couldn't love her the way she loved me.

And, as with almost all toxic and unhealthy relationships that don't end violently, she couldn't bear it anymore and broke it off after a little over 13 months. I can't blame her, and wouldn't even if I was capable--it was, again, hella unhealthy. I was crushed. Not ashamed to admit I cried for hours. Hard. Cried until I dehydrated myself and my tongue started sticking to the roof of my mouth. But eventually I got tired of that. And I guess sooner or later I arrived at the conclusion that I had a choice. Well, that's not quite true, I didn't see it as a choice. I took the actions I did to protect myself. In hindsight though, there were more or less two options; I could either wait for some other poor bastard to come along and be my "hero" and lift me up when I felt like shit without being able to address the underlying problems, and milk them of every bit of patience and caring, like I had with her, or I could choose to be my own "hero." I could choose to try my damnedest to address my problems--my ACTUAL problems, not "I feel sad again"--and overcome them. I could choose to love myself, even if no one else would, so that I wouldn't have to rely on another's praise and approval to feel worthy of the space I occupied.

Obviously, I chose the latter(although like I said, it was somewhat of a defense mechanism). I saw a doctor. Got medicine for my brain; nothing drastic, just a low-dose SSRI. But it was enough to give me the boost I needed to take the first step. I did what I'd seen posts about self-love and recovery suggest(you can look some up for yourself, if you want/need, I don't have any specific ones to recommend). I stopped insulting myself, wouldn't let myself say a bad word about me. I stopped pinching and prodding at my scars and fat rolls. As silly as it sounds, I caressed them instead, when I felt like it, because damn it, it feels good to have your skin stroked, and I deserve to feel good. I stopped frowning and cursing at my physical flaws, because they're still a part of me, and that makes them special. My personality flaws, I stopped abusing myself over. I told myself I could overcome them, that they didn't define me, that I was so much more than my flaws, and that, while that didn't make them okay, it did make me okay. I could get better. I could work on reducing my flaws--I didn't have to be a great person overnight, self-change is a process. Basically, I treated myself like I would treat someone very special to me.

I don't think I believed my justifications at first. I felt silly, running my fingertips over my belly. I didn't really like the extra weight, even though I told myself it was special because it was part of me. But I kept doing it. I needed to be my own friend, my own loved one, and so I went through the motions. I thought about the self-love/recovery thing a lot, and still do, and came to realize that it's incredibly important, as lame as it sounds, to have that kind of relationship with yourself. You ARE the most important person in your life, and no one will ever be there for you as much as you will. You have to treat yourself appropriately. Treat yourself like you'd treat the most important, special person in your life, and then treat yourself even better if possible, because you're even more important than they are(I know there's no way of phrasing that that doesn't sound conceited as fuck, but I promise my position isn't conceit). I know for fact you wouldn't put up with someone calling your lover a fat ugly fuck, so why is it okay for you to do it to yourself? You wouldn't tolerate someone screaming in your best friend's face over a mistake they made, insulting them endlessly for it, so why do you allow yourself to do it to you? You deserve your love.

I'm not saying to put your every whim above everyone else. That actually is selfish. If there's one slice of pizza left and you and your friend both want it, it's cool to give it to them. But your health--both mental and physical--and well-being must ALWAYS come first. If you haven't eaten in two days and your stomach is started to digest itself, and someone who just ate four slices wants the last piece of pizza, fuck them, you need it more.
That's a stupid example because I was just rolling with my previous one, but the point is more or less there.
If someone's actively being harmful to you, cut them out of your life. You deserve better and it's not worth your time to voluntarily fuck around with people who don't make you feel great. You're better than chasing after someone who won't even give you the time of day.
If someone can't be bothered to treat you with the basic respect that you should expect in interactions with other humans, fuck them. Not literally, you deserve to have sex with good people, but, you know. Ditch them.

Make yourself feel good all the time. If you're hungry, eat until you're content. Do what makes you happy(within legal boundaries), regardless of what others think. Let yourself heal when you're hurt, don't berate yourself further. And caress the physical flaws you think you have--it really does help. Life is entirely too fucking short to live it for other people and their expectations of you. Do what makes you feel great, because you are.

And in doing so, you open yourself up to truly be able to love and be there for other people, to return every bit of the help they give you. Once you're self-sufficient, once you don't need other people to tell you you're worthy of existence, you're able to give so much more to others. And that's why I say that taking care of yourself above everything else is a very selfless act.

I realize that me just saying all this won't change your opinion of yourself, if it's a negative one. And if you don't think you can change your opinion of yourself on your own, I encourage and implore you to seek the help you need to come to love yourself. Therapy, medication, whatever it may be. Please.

And, in closing, if I had to choose between the two extremes, being a suicidal mess who can't even fathom putting himself above anyone else, or being a huge douchebag with my head so far up my ass I can smell my own breath? I'd choose being the douchebag, and I'd encourage you to do the same.

Required watching.

_________________
Prof. Chaos wrote:
I came in the first three seconds.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Self-Love With Dr. Terra (or How I Became Baller As Fuck
PostPosted: Mon Nov 11, 2013 2:15 pm 
Offline
Level: 78 Chump
HP: 17752 / 40346
17752 / 40346
MP: 17237 / 19263
17237 / 19263
EXP: 18622 / 18735
18622 / 18735
User avatar

Joined: Sat May 10, 2008 11:51 pm
Posts: 18622
Location: Bradford, UK
XBL Gamertag: Blokeh
PSN ID: Blokeh
Steam ID: Blokeh
Wii system code: 2445-8086-3386-0718
Only difference between you and me, according to that wall of text, is I take my flaws and make them funny. I'm fat, so fat jokes. Balding, so bald jokes. I don't see it as berating myself, but giving me something to laugh at and be cheered up by. This also acts as a big "nope" to anyone thinking of using said flaws as ammo.

But yeah, you're bob-on with everything you say, and it's inspiring as fuck that someone so young can not only experience these things, but can write about it in a way that people can understand, not like some doctor or psychiatrist, while still getting the point across.

Life is just one continuing lesson, and I'm still learning at 34. You can either learn from your mistakes, or suffer from them. The most important thing to remember is that admitting you have a problem and asking for help is a much better option than trying to fight on alone.

Respect, brah. Seriously.

Also, this.


Attachments:
drterra.jpg
drterra.jpg [ 39.45 KiB | Viewed 2443 times ]

_________________
Image

╔══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╗
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Repost this if ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ you are a beautiful strong black woman ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ who don’t need no man ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
╚══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╝
Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Self-Love With Dr. Terra (or How I Became Baller As Fuck
PostPosted: Mon Nov 11, 2013 10:35 pm 
Offline
Level: 41 Obama Supporter
HP: 591 / 5376
591 / 5376
MP: 2567 / 2567
2567 / 2567
EXP: 2685 / 2806
2685 / 2806
User avatar

Joined: Fri May 10, 2013 11:42 pm
Posts: 2685
Location: New Jersey
Nintendo ID: Bokuten
Carl is like the fattest guy on the site and he still calls all us Americans fat. Is he wrong well not really. I have eaten two whole cakes before so yeah... Not in the same sitting but still... I am one hell of a bad example for this anyway. I like to start this off with a suck my dick Tadlock I read the whole thing nyugga. -Cross chops- For the most part Caleb and I have been going through some shit with ladies as you guys should know. With my drama I wasn't even dating the girl. We just liked each other and wanted to make it real but then some drama happened which I will fill you guys in on. Okay, So, During the month of October I met these two new girls and I was talking to them. Met them online because pssh, asking a girl out irl I don't know if I could do that but anyway. So I was talking to them and I knew them for a bout a week and one girl really really liked me and the other girl just had a crush. So! I go to tell the friend of the girl that I like about what is going on telling her about the two new girls and that I liked them but I didn't know what to do because of the girl I liked her friend and she flipped out and was like I TRUSTED YOU WITH HER AND YOU RUINED IT. She wouldn't even let me explain and just ran with the words and was like I AM GONNA TELL MY FRIEND ABOUT THIS. I tried to explain to her but she didn't listen. I only liked the girls as friends. Just because I say I like someone means I like like them? I want them for a relationship? It doesn't mean that at all. So I messaged her friend and let her know what's up and she was totally cool with it. Was even like you can even like them it is okay. I told her I only like them as a friends and that was that I like you. Then the next day came and she told the girl liked and Now everything is different. The girl I liked was angry. All this was miscommunication and her friend didn't even want to hear me out. She was like How am I going to know what you are telling me is the truth? I said you will never actually know if what I am saying is the truth. Same goes for what everyone says. You just have to take it as fact and you decide what to believe. You going to go with your friend that you known for 4 years that hates me to due to some drama that I caused for her or me? Oh yeah, I forgot to note the friend hates me due to some drama but I am not going to fix this post. Yeah it is gonna be long and out of order but just stay with me. Anyway, I told the girl the day before that my words will probably get twisted about all this but I don't think she listened and apparently she was just shown the chat so her response is based off that. Words weren't twisted apparently. So, that happened and I was like do I need to skype call you and explain myself? So, she ended up calling me and I explained myself and she was at the friends house that hated me and had me on speaker. So she heard the whole thing and when I was done explaining myself the friend that hated me starts laughing and calls me lame and then the girl I liked hung up.

Oh boy did I feel like I wanted to cry that shit was fucked up on many levels and I should I know. I done some fucked up stuff before and you guys know all of that. I ended up talking to the girl I liked the next day and she apologized for everything and was like I was mad and you should hate me for what I did and I wasn't mad at her I was more mad at her friend for feeding her false information. Then after that, the girl I liked really didn't talk to me much which it is how it is today. She says she has been in a really bad mood for awhile now and just doesn't want to talk to anybody which I say is a lie since she is going out and hanging with the girl that hates me but I guess she still talks to her bff. Anyway, I things seem better for me now and shit. I talk to the girl that hates me and she tells me things and oh get this. I am apparently a douche bag because I said I liked two girls. Yeah, Only like them as friends, and the girl I like doesn't like me anymore because of it. Well, all of this happened in the past and that is behind me. I made a realization the other day which I talked to Caleb about and I feel great! My depression and anxiety are gone and I am a different person. Still a dick but I need a trademark ya know? Anyway I hope to improve relations with the girl that hates me and the girl I kinda like now? I don't know since my feelings for her are kinda dim but I am not one to really hold grudges unless you really fucked me up in someway.

Caleb and I have been having some really good real talks and they help when you are feeling down about something. I learned it is really good to talk it out. You can't deal with every issue on your own and just like the song says "You just call on me, brother, when you need a hand We all need somebody to lean on I just might have a problem that you'll understand We all need somebody to lean on"

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Self-Love With Dr. Terra (or How I Became Baller As Fuck
PostPosted: Mon Nov 11, 2013 10:56 pm 
Offline
Level: 78 Chump
HP: 17752 / 40346
17752 / 40346
MP: 17237 / 19263
17237 / 19263
EXP: 18622 / 18735
18622 / 18735
User avatar

Joined: Sat May 10, 2008 11:51 pm
Posts: 18622
Location: Bradford, UK
XBL Gamertag: Blokeh
PSN ID: Blokeh
Steam ID: Blokeh
Wii system code: 2445-8086-3386-0718
Image

_________________
Image

╔══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╗
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Repost this if ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ you are a beautiful strong black woman ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ who don’t need no man ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
╚══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╝


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Self-Love With Dr. Terra (or How I Became Baller As Fuck
PostPosted: Sun Dec 08, 2013 2:54 pm 
Offline
Level: 34 Squire
HP: 129 / 3226
129 / 3226
MP: 1540 / 1540
1540 / 1540
EXP: 1630 / 1736
1630 / 1736
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 5:53 pm
Posts: 1630
Location: Mimiga Village
XBL Gamertag: KitDreamer
Steam ID: KitDreamer
I dunno man.

I'm a nice guy. I mean well, I do my best to do right by people. I'm a considerate, kind, caring guy... and to be honest, despite how much I hate myself at times, I'm not doing so bad. I'm winning that battle against that voice in my head that always puts me down, that always thinks the worst of me. I have a fiancé who loves me, I have friends who value me, I have people who I matter to, and who all matter to me.

I'm learning to love myself without resorting to "I'm Okay, You're Not Okay" to use a somewhat tired phrase. Granted, it's taken some help and some time, but I'm nearly there.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Self-Love With Dr. Terra (or How I Became Baller As Fuck
PostPosted: Sun Dec 08, 2013 3:12 pm 
Offline
Level: 78 Chump
HP: 17752 / 40346
17752 / 40346
MP: 17237 / 19263
17237 / 19263
EXP: 18622 / 18735
18622 / 18735
User avatar

Joined: Sat May 10, 2008 11:51 pm
Posts: 18622
Location: Bradford, UK
XBL Gamertag: Blokeh
PSN ID: Blokeh
Steam ID: Blokeh
Wii system code: 2445-8086-3386-0718
If more people played FFXIV:ARR then the world would be a better place.
>be wandering around
>see KO'd dude
>white mages everywhere
>KO guy ignored
>switch to white mage
>raise
>cure2
>stoneskin
>"t-thanks man"
>"hey, its my job, here's a chum invite, next time you're in need of a healer, hit me up"
>silence
>weeks later, get a new mogmail
>1000 gil
>tells me he still mains Dragoon but also became a Conjurer and now switches classes and hangs around after fates ressing folks
>mantears.gif


True story. Also, one time, on the Gladiator story quest, theres this catwoman Vega like boss, and she is tough. Someone asked for a res and it was that boss battle spot. I told the guy "she goes mental at the end, just circle her and attack, I'll wait here in case you get killed again.", and ended up ressing him one more time. Got a friend request out of that too.

Some nice people in Eorzea.

_________________
Image

╔══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╗
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Repost this if ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ you are a beautiful strong black woman ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ who don’t need no man ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
╚══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╝


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Self-Love With Dr. Terra (or How I Became Baller As Fuck
PostPosted: Sun Dec 08, 2013 5:42 pm 
Offline
Level: 52 Time Mage
HP: 1293 / 10781
1293 / 10781
MP: 5147 / 5147
5147 / 5147
EXP: 5280 / 5401
5280 / 5401
User avatar

Joined: Thu May 15, 2008 11:28 pm
Posts: 5280
Location: Mississippi, USA
PSN ID: Terrabro
Steam ID: The Voice of Justice
Nintendo ID: Terradude
KitDreamer wrote:
I'm learning to love myself without resorting to "I'm Okay, You're Not Okay" to use a somewhat tired phrase.


What does this mean? o:
I don't think it's a tired phrase in the US, cause I'm not sure what context I'm supposed to be thinking about it in.

_________________
Prof. Chaos wrote:
I came in the first three seconds.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 7 posts ] 

All times are UTC


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Blue Moon by Trent © 2007
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group